Deep breaths

First thing to everyone who responded to my last post -- thank you.

Apart from those I consider close friends, others walked back into my life and perfect strangers -- people who know nothing of me and I nothing of them -- showed concern for my well being.

I have no plans of doing anything stupid. But that doesn't mean the problems that brought me to this meltdown have gone away. My voice is kind of hoarse from the silent screaming.

I need help. People who know me have told me this for years and, stubborn as I am, I resisted except for a brief time some four years ago. First thing I need to do is get health insurance from the new job and then plan some sort of strategy.

Again -- I am better than I was 48 or even 24 hours ago. Now I just need to get back on that long road. I'm not good at accepting help. I may have to change that attitude.



kansas brat said...

It's good to hear you're doing better. Please try to keep from freaking out on me. I'm close to the edge myself. Please let me panic about one person at a time, eh?

The Secular Middle said...

Sorry our phone connection didn't work before. Panera Bread has free wireless internet, but apparently not wireless telephone ;-) Unless the problem was on your end....

No insurance (or as the freaks out here pronounce it, "INsurance") yet? That won't do! How long before you get it?

Been there, done that, Andrushka, and there is Better Living Through Psychopharmaceuticals. You don't have to be miserable. It won't fill your bank account or your bed, but I've been at the edge of the abyss, and I like this better.

Kate said...

Glad you're hanging in there, Andy.

Feel free to yell anytime, for anything, and I'll do what I can.


Cameellie said...

I have faith and confidence that you will steady yourself soon. It is hard to make peace with the coulda-woulda-shouldas and the 20/20 hindsight that dogs us as we stop dithering and try to get serious about finding satisfaction. But know this, it is important to know what you don't want and what you will not tolerate and where your boundaries are. Now that you have this information, open up and see what happens. You have people who care about you, so let them. There are people out there who want to care about you, so let them. You are entitled to draw from the well of comfort and kindness so quit telling yourself that you aren't.

Big hugs.