Phat Albert

"Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?" -- Crash Davis (Kevin Costner), "Bull Durham," 1988.

The Wizard. Gibby. Hendu. Add Phat Albert to the list.

It was one of those things that when someone asks me 40 years from now where I was when the Cardinals' Albert Pujols hit the home run that saved St. Louis' season. I'll know exactly when and where: I was sitting in the newsroom on the phone with one of my best friends -- and lunatic baseball fan -- watching Astros pitcher Brad Lidge get ready to deliver Houston's first pennant.

"Wouldn't it be funny if he hit it out," friend says from two time zones away.

"Nah. It's over," says me of no faith.

The Cardinals are cooked. Two out, bottom of the ninth inning, two on, there is no way they're coming back. A 100-win season shot to Hell in the NLCS.

I don't think I could duplicate the sound that came out of my mouth when Pujols turned on the pitch. I have walked outside Minute Maid Park in Houston, never been in it, but from what I can tell, there are train tracks that run above the left field stands and glass panels that stretch above that.

Pujols' shot slammed into the glass about two-thirds of the way up. I heard on the radio Tuesday that the three-run homer which forced Game Six of the NLCS later tonight, measured at 412 feet.

Damned if that ball was not still rising when it hit glass. No glass -- out of the park.

A tide-turner. Maybe. Smith's homer in '85 did it for the Cards. Dave Henderson in '86 put the Red Sox in the Fall Classic and forever doomed Donnie Moore's soul. Gibby on one half of one knee brought the Dodgers back from the brink in '88.

Who says miracles don't happen.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

The streakbuster

Last year at this time, I was in Norwich, Conn., listening to every Red Sawx fan cackle when they beat my Cardinals for their first World Series win since 1918.

This year, I am in Chicago where the White Sox -- yes, the Grinders, Pale Hose, South Siders, whatever -- have won the American League pennant. Is that Hell freezing over? Collective Cubs fans' hearts dropping into their stomachs?

Yeppers.

Now, the Cardinals are down three games to one and it looks like the White Sox will meet Houston in their first World Series appearance since 1959.

They are four wins from exorcising the ghosts of 1917 -- the last time Chicago has seen a World Series winner.

Think it's going to happen? Tell me what you think. I'd like to know.

A helluva ballot

And, no, I am not talking when G-Dub and the Cabal are replaced.

Brett Hull called it an NHL career this afternoon, one week after the Phoenix Coyotes "unretired" the No. 9 the old Winnipeg Jets raised to the rafters honoring "The Golden Jet," Bobby Hull.

Brett Hull was a brash kid when he broke into the league with the Calgary Flames in 1986. He was just as brash now 20 years down the road. He finishes third all-time in scoring behind Wayne Gretzky -- ironically, the last coach he plays for -- and Gordie Howe.

No question: "The Golden Brett" is headed to the Hall of Fame.

Four years from now, the NHL Hall of Fame class is shaping up as the best group to be enshrined at one time in ANY sport. Yes, you read that right.

Consider: Mark Messier -- Captain Clutch ... helped the New York Rangers put to bed the ghosts of 1940 when helped bring the Stanley Cup back to Manhattan ... a 6-time Cup winner.

Ron Francis -- one of the most consistent players of his era. ... 23 seasons with Hartford, Pittsburgh, Carolina and Toronto. ... 1,249 career assists ... two-time Stanley Cup winner.

Al MacInnis -- Perhaps the hardest slapshot in league history (I believe he broke Chicago Blackhawks goaltender Jocelyn Thibualt's finger with one of those drives) ... finished with 340 goals and 934 assists in his 23-year career. .. won a Stanley Cup with Calgary in 1986.

Scott Stevens -- Concussions ended his 22-year career with Washington, St. Louis and New Jersey ... Named MVP in 2000 ... blueliner led the Devils to three Stanley Cups and was considered the face of the franchise ... a 13-time All-Star.

Vincent Damphousse -- Spent 18 seasons with Toronto, Montreal, Edmonton and San Jose .. finishes with 442 goals -- including 12 hat tricks -- and 773 assists ... helped the Canadiens in 1993 to their 23rd Stanley Cup. ... Played in 1,378 career games.

The lockout took a year away from these players. Except for Hull, it's too bad they will not get a chance to play in the new-look league.

See ya in Toronto in four years.

The Golden Brett

Apparently, Brett Hull will don No. 9 for the Phoenix Coyotes after all.

According to the team's Web site, Hull will wear the number that was retired by the Winnipeg Jets in honor of his father and NHL legend Bobby Hull.

"My brothers and sister and I grew up watching my dad, while wearing No. 9, have success and love life as an NHL player," said Brett Hull. "My children have seen those same images of their grandfather and his passion for the game. Thanks to my dad today, I look forward to my kids being able to see me play with that same passion while also wearing No. 9. I’ll wear it proudly."

Hull will unveil his new number Saturday when the Coyotes play host to Minnesota.

Opening night observations ...

Just some things I've noticed NHL-wise tonight ...

1. Brett Hull, now playing in Phoenix, wearing No. 16. His father, Hall of Famer Bobby, wore No. 9 for the Winnipeg Jets (for you kiddies, that's where the Desert Dogs were from originally) and the 'Yotes offered to unretire the number for Brett to wear. Classy move by the younger Hull, though.

2. Sure, it's only one game, but Washington's Alexander Ovechkin looked real good scoring twice in a win over Columbus -- a team expected to turn the corner this season.

3. Sidney Crosby had just one assist in Pittsburgh's 5-1 loss in New Jersey. I say he scores 55, adds 100 assists. Maybe a reach, but it will be fun to see him try.

4. Why hockey doesn't belong in New Jersey: they can't even sell out for one of the best prospects to come down the pike in a long time.

5. Maybe the Rangers' Jaromir Jagr is happy being 'the man' on a team. Two late goals against the Flyers is an impressive start.

6. Mmmmmm...shootouts.

7. Opening-night collapse anyone? L.A. squanders 4-goal lead, lose to Dallas, 5-4.

8. Classless move by Bruins fans, littering the ice with replica Stanley Cups after losing 2-1 to Montreal on a goal in the final minute. I don't think I have seen a sight as pathetic as goalie Andrew Raycroft crouched in the net waiting for fans to stop throwing the giveaways.

9. Nikolai Khabibulin may have gotten his ring and a big contract, but I think he's going to find success hard to come by in Chicago.

10. Potvin sucks.

Drop the puck

MORTON GROVE, Ill. -- You knew the boycott would not last long.

I know ... I swore up and down on a stack that when the NHL came back after the lockout, they would do so without me.

So what am I doing? Sitting in a new newsroom, a 13-inch television on my right hooked up to DirectTV with the Penguins-Devils game on.

If I am bored with watching the Sid & Marty Show, I can move on to the Red Wings-Blues game -- just in time for Pavel Datsyuk to light the lamp for the first time this season.

'Canes-Bolts. Caps-Jackets. Isles-Sabres. And anyone who knows me understand I will be watching the Edmontons, Vancouvers and Calgarys of the hockey world with much interest.

They're all back.

Yes, the 301-day lockout angered me, infuriated me because it took away one of the few things I actually care about.

But having it back, well, you know what they say ... bygones will be bygones. And it's a fairly safe bet that I will be going to games around the country -- San Jose almost certainly, maybe Denver and Edmonton as well. Living in Chicago now, there is almost no way I could say no to Detroit and St. Louis, too.

Welcome back, Hockey. Don't do this again.

Big Mac, fried

SKOKIE, Ill. -- Growing up in the shadows of both Shea and Yankee Stadiums, I felt the need to be different: I rooted for the Minnesota Twins. Hosken Powell. Lyman Bostock. Paul Thormosgard. Mike Cubbage. And so on.

Then there was the improbable World Series win in 1987 over the Cardinals. Gary Gaetti -- my favorite baseball player of all time from the moment he hit two homers to start the '82 season. Kent Hrbek -- everyone loves Herbie. Kirby Puckett, Tim Laudner, Tom Brunansky. And so on.

And just to show it was no fluke, fast forward to 1991 against Atlanta. Jack Morris' 10-inning thriller. Dan Gladden crossing home with the winning run. Both championship teams led by the dry-witted Tom Kelly. He's not a native Minnesotan, but the sense of humor is all White Bear Lake Avenue.

Suffice it to say there will always be a soft spot in my heart for the Twins, but the love affair lasted until 1998. I was tired of owner former Marquette Bank head Carl Pohlad -- net worth: at least $2 billion -- doing little to improve the team and Major League Baseball doing everything it could to kill off the team. Remember when 'contraction' was the buzzword around the majors?

I started following the Cardinals. My father has been a fan since the days of Pepper Martin and The Gashouse Gang in the 1930's. He would tell me of Enos Slaughter's mad dash home from first in the '46 Series. I think part of the reason I started following St. Louis was not just that the team was good, but the fans are amazingly loyal -- check out Busch Stadium anytime during the season and it's a sea of red. And while the team will do what it needs to improve, but they go about it the right way by building their farm system (Albert Pujols, anyone?) and making deals for integral parts (Larry Walker? Jim Edmonds?)

In the late 90's, there was Mark McGwire. In a midseason deal in 1997, Big Mac was picked up from the A's for some guys named Ludwick and Stein and a bag of balls, apparently. The stats don't lie: 51 games, 44 hits -- 24 homers.

History would be made a year later.

Remember 1998 and the back-and-forth march by Mac and Chicago's Sammy Sosa to break Roger Maris' single-season home run record? Talking about that was almost like talking in church during Mass -- spoken in quiet, hushed whispers.

I went to Montreal that season to see a pair of Cardinals-Expos games. Sitting behind the plate before batting practice, I watched players go through their routines. They all stopped when Mac stepped in the batting cage and he did not disappoint, parking six balls in the top deck of Olympic Stadium, each one seemingly longer than the last.

Ironically, the record-breaker was very un-Mac-like: a cue shot that barely made it over the left-field wall at Busch. He finished with 70 that season and followed that up with a 65-homer campaign in '99.

It was all a sham. Anyone who saw Mac at the Congressional hearings into steroids earlier this year -- remember, he was not there to discuss the past -- and the appearance Friday at Busch has to look at what's in front of their eyes. McGwire, who looked absolutely Bunyan-esque during his home-run binge, now looked like a man who would be at home in a nondescript office. Thank Steve Wilstein looking at a bottle of andro for Mac's downfall.

At the hearings, Mac would not admit the obvious. Was it andro? Stanozolol? Some other high-powered illegal drug? One person knows for sure, and you can bet he is not talking.

"I've moved on from it and I wish the media would," McGwire told The Associated Press. "I've made my statement in Washington, that's my statement, and when I left Washington that's the last time I was ever going to talk about it, and that's really about it."

McGwire told Congress he'd be interested in speaking out against steroid abuse. Now he said he isn't interested in discussing the steroids issue anymore.

Well, it seems the Cardinal Nation has moved on. With the closing of Busch coming up after this season, fans selected an All-time Cardinals team and silently convicted the man who for almost five seasons was the toast of the Gateway City.

Pujols -- just finishing up his fifth season -- got the nod at first.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

I've been everywhere, man ...

Goodbye, DC. Hello, Chicago.

This may be a new record even for me.

I will be leaving Washington DC after just four months to start a new job with a sports media company in Chicago's northern suburbs.

There is no delicate way to put this: it's all about the Benjamins. My new boss is someone I worked with at The Associated Press -- a good guy -- and the company made a very generous offer.

So don't be surprised if temporarily I stop writing. The next couple weeks is going to feature a lot of upheaval, but all in a good way.

Anyway, what do you think -- if you have any opinion -- I'd like to know.

One down, two to go

The Associated Press' Ron Fournier reported Monday something that should have happened a week ago.

Federal Emergency Management Agency director Mike Brown said he has resigned "in the best interest of the agency and best interest of the president," three days after losing his onsite command of the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.

"The focus has got to be on FEMA, what the people are trying to do down there," Brown told AP.

His decision was not a surprise. Brown was abruptly recalled to Washington on Friday, a clear vote of no confidence from his superiors at the White House and the Department of Homeland Security. Brown had been roundly criticized for FEMA's bearish response to the hurricane, which has caused political problem for Bush and fellow Republicans.

"I'm turning in my resignation today," Brown said. "I think it's in the best interest of the agency and the best interest of the president to do that and get the media focused on the good things that are going on, instead of me."

And not to keep the heat on him, presumably.

Your thoughts? I'd like to know.

Fool me once, shame on you ... fool me twice ...

So, the delayed response to the Katrina had nothing to do with race. The president said so, so it must be true.

According to a report by Jennifer Loven of The Associated Press, Bush denied Monday there was any racial component to people being left behind after Hurricane Katrina, despite suggestions from some critics that the response would have been quicker if so many of the victims hadn't been poor and black.

"The storm didn't discriminate and neither will the recovery effort," Bush said. "The rescue efforts were comprehensive. The recovery will be comprehensive.

(Just an aside here ... what does that mean, "the recovery will be comprehensive?")

Maybe the response -- or initial lack of one -- to Katrina was not race-related. You can bet, though, it was class-related.

The Bushes and their ilk have nothing -- zero -- in common with the poor people of the Gulf Coast. If it isn't the Gold Coast, Bush and his cabal want nothing to do with it.

That's the huge divide in this country.

Race relations are still a problem, but the class distinctions are the now-proverbial hurricane hitting New Orleans.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

Banda Aceh, meet Bourbon Street

There's something about the city of New Orleans. Something mystical, magical, evil.

I drove through there almost two years ago, returning from a tryout with a small newspaper in suburban Houston. I got off
I-10 and filled up my gas tank in a predominantly black neighborhood.

I was always taught to have tolerance for people of other races, religions and nationalities, so black people do not scare me -- early on in my life, I went to school with them (as they were bused in from places with exotic-sounding names like Springfield Gardens and St. Albans.)

But as I stood at this gas station in New Orleans, I could feel eyes boring into me. Those eyes said, "Boy, what are you doing here?" Nothing happened. All I did was fill the tank, get back in the car and go.

Far from a nice tale of beignets, crawfish and the French Quarter, no?

Still, what Hurricane Katrina laid on the city of New Orleans and Gulf Coast communities across Louisiana and Mississippi -- in spite of it being a natural disaster -- was horrific.

It was also inexcusable.

The United States is not a third-world nation, but you would not have known that from this past week's events. The Superdome and later the Houston Astrodome both used as refugee centers. Lawlessness leading to people being shot and killed as a matter of survival. The old, the infirm, the helpless dying in the streets. Stephen King's "The Stand" seemingly come to life.

Banda Aceh, meet Bourbon Street.

George Bush. Michael Chertoff. Michael Brown. These are three people who should pay dearly.

Anyone for a recall to get G-Dub out of the White House? Our fearless leader sees nothing wrong with spending billions on a war that makes no sense, but cannot tend to matters in his own country. He proved that on Sept. 11, 2001 by not heeding advance warnings did it again with this tragedy.

That inane smirk and the look on his face that essentially says "oh, well" that we have come to expect is the best he can muster. That and saddling us with $3.40 a gallon gas prices, but that's a story for another day.

Chertoff? Clueless. According to the Editor & Publisher Web site, Chertoff told Tim Russert of "Meet The Press" that one reason for the delay in rushing federal aid to the Gulf Coast was that "everyone" thought the crisis had passed when the storm left town: "I remember on Tuesday morning picking up newspapers and I saw headlines, 'New Orleans Dodged The Bullet.'"

Makes me long for the days of Tom Ridge and his color-coding alert system.

Brown -- also known as the head of FEMA ... the phrase to describe him right now during all this is "deer in the headlights." After all, being a former official with the International Arabian Horse Association clearly has readied him for dealing with the worst natural disaster to hit this country in a century.

All the so-called important people and those able to leave got out of Dodge. But New Orleans is perhaps the poorest major city in America. I don't think a family from one of New Orleans' poor sections was going to pack up their Lexus SUV and head for higher ground and a week's stay in the Holiday Inn to ride out the storm.

About 1 million got out of Louisiana. About 10,000 died. 9/11 times three.

We have become a throw-away society. I want to know when people became expendable.

Bad week

It was not exactly the best week for Bob Huggins or Lawrence Phillips, now was it?

Huggins will not forget the name Nancy Zimpher anytime soon. Zimpher, the president of the University of Cincinnati, apparently had enough of Coach Huggins. The fact that Huggins put Cincinnati hoops on the map notwithstanding, Zimpher had enough of subpar graduation rates and numerous arrests over the years -- including Huggins' own for DUI a year ago.

"We expect to recruit very strong students on the court and in the classroom," Zimpher said in a recent interview with the Cincinnati Post. "We expect our coaches to be role models, and we expect our students to be role models. I will not apologize for setting high standards."

I, for one, applaud her. It seems many other college presidents would not have looked at the low percentage of student-athletes graduating. They would have focused on the 399 career wins and the 14 straight NCAA appearances.

Zimpher had none of that. She left Huggins with two choices. Resign or be fired. No middle ground.

You go, girl.

Phillips ... now that's another story.

In March 1997, I wrote a column when I was working for a small paper in Oklahoma. In that piece, I referred to Phillips as a punk for humming as he was led away for a 30-day jail sentence for violating his probation stemming from the assault of a female basketball player at the University of Nebraska.

At the time, I said he should work in rehabilitating his life. Now 30 years old and as far away from a spot in the NFL as I am, it seems nothing has changed. The Associated Press reported this week Phillips -- already wanted for domestic violence (big shock, I know) -- allegedly ran a car into three teens after a pick-up football game.

Oh yeah, the car was reported stolen. Phillips also said he wouldn't be taken peacefully, the report said.

Maybe it's time for him to do some hard time. Perhaps a judge will do for Phillips what Zimpher did for Huggins.

For those curious enough to read the column, it's at: http://72.14.207.104/search?q=cache:rNv7opwC9XgJ:www.ardmoreite.com/stories/031397/sports/sports01.html+lefkowitz+%22Lawrence+Phillips%22&hl=en

What do you think? I'd like to know.

Royal flush

There's something about watching a team so bad -- make that so completely and utterly awful -- that it's like watching the aftermath of a horrific car wreck. You know you shouldn't rubberneck, but you just cannot help turning your head and taking in the spectacle.

Enter the Kansas City Royals.

Heading into Saturday's game at Oakland, the Royals have dropped 19 straight games -- baseball's longest losing streak since the '88 Orioles started the season 0-21.

I cannot help but think of the caption to a "Far Side" cartoon: Welcome to Hell ... Here's your accordion.

Manager Buddy Bell is only 53, but he looks like he has aged 20 years in a month. In fairness, not all of it has been baseball-related: his nephew was recently killed in Iraq.

"It's unexplainable, really,'' Bell said after Friday night's 4-0 loss in Oakland. "I don't think we're a playoff-contending team by any means, but I don't think we're this bad."

Oh, yes you are. Quick -- name four Royals. I know ... neither can I.

Let's try to put this in perspective:

--The Royals have not won a game since July 27 when they knocked off the first-place White Sox.
--They are 20 games behind fourth-place Detroit. Yes. 20. Yes. FOURTH-place.
--Here is the rest of the schedule for August: two more against Oakland, and three-game series against Boston, New York and Minnesota.

0-for-August anyone?

Anyway, what do you think? I'd like to know.

You don't say

Let's see if I got this right ... Randy Moss smokes marijuana?

What's next? Vince Vaughn is overrated? A pound of butter a day will kill you? William Shatner is a jackass?

Just checking ...

Checking in

I'm fine. I have been real busy with work, some additional responsibilities that have been taking up what little free time I have.

I promise ... there will be a post soon.

PC taken up -- or down -- to a new level?

Face it, folks: we screwed over the native Americans.

I am not going to go all chapter and verse how it was done. My problem is this ruling the NCAA came out with this week: it would prohibit teams with nicknames, symbols or mascots considered "hostile or abusive" from hosting NCAA postseason events.

The NCAA also will not allow such nicknames or symbols to be on team uniforms or clothing in NCAA postseason competition beginning Feb.1.

This is the most pressing thing on the NCAA's minds?? Please.

Max B. Osceola Jr. of the Seminole tribal council may have put it most succinctly in an article written by Steve Ellis of the Tallahassee Democrat

"It's like history -- they left the natives out," Osceola said. "They have non-natives telling natives what's good for them or how they should use their name. You have a committee made up of non-natives telling people that they can not use a native name when you have a native tribe -- a tribal government, duly elected and constituted - that said they agree with Florida State."

As far as I can tell, there is ONE offensive nickname in sports -- the Redskins. Yes, it is akin to calling a team the New York Negroes. (BTW, yes, the St. John's Redmen was an offensive name -- I'm just not sure Red Storm is much better.)

Ask yourself: are the Fighting Sioux from the University of North Dakota offensive? The University of Utah Utes? Last I checked, these were names of tribes. Proud names.

Florida State president T.K. Wetherell was livid over the decision.

"You're not going to put the name Seminoles on the scoreboard but you put the Hooters girls on it. That's just stupid.
... It's just frustrating that they don't deal with issues more important to the athletes (instead of) grandstanding on this," Wetherell said in the Democrat.

My guess is there will still be the Fightin' Illini, the Fighting Sioux, the Seminoles and the Rainbow Warriors come Feb. 1.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

When you have nothing to write about ...

I guess this is the equivalent of ad-libbing.

1. Given a choice of Brokaw, Rather or Jennings, give me the Canadian each time. Hard to believe he was 67.

2. I was driving to IKEA Monday when I was listening to "The Best of Tony Kornheiser" on a Washington sports radio station. Two words -- shut up. Listening to him prattle on to ESPN anchor Pam Ward during the past college football bowl season was nauseating at best.

3. IKEA's furniture is better than it was 13 years ago when I first bought a sofa and bed from them. And their prices are still very reasonable.

4. Rafael Palmeiro needs to retire.

5. At what point does it become to expensive to drive? I saw gas Sunday in Virginia for $2.70 a gallon.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

It's always the ones you least suspect

Rafael Palmeiro? Steroids?

Nahhhhhh.....

Of course that was the same thing many said when Marv Albert was accused of chowing down on a former lover.

No, Palmeiro didn't go Hannibal Lechter on someone. But he did test positive for stanozolol -- same thing that brought Ben Johnson down.

With more than 560 home runs and 3,000 hits, Palmeiro was a mortal lock for the Hall of Fame. This positive test kills that off.

He did do one thing Thursday -- a day when the Orioles canned manager Lee Mazzilli. Palmeiro requested the celebration for his 3,000th hit be canceled.

Classy gesture -- I wouldn't want to feel much like celebrating either.

What do you think? I'd like to know.

Death knell, anyone?

Bread and pasta eaters, rejoice. Same for fruit and veggie folk. You are free once again.

The company started by the late nutrition guru Dr. Robert C. Atkins to promote a low-carb lifestyle filed for bankruptcy court protection Monday, a further sign of the waning popularity of the diet.

The company, Atkins Nutritionals, Inc., which sells Atkins-brand nutrition bars, shakes and candy as well as offering low-carb diet information, has been hurt by waning popularity of its namesake approach, which focuses on eliminating carbohydrates such as bread and pasta to shed weight.

According to an AP report, the diet became one of the most popular in U.S. history, spawning a virtual cottage industry of low-carb regimens — but also drew criticism from experts for its focus on fatty foods and low fruit and vegetable consumption.

About time, too. This craze went on far too long.

Has anyone out there had any success with this? Failure? Your thoughts?

What do you think? I'd like to know.

Washington Follies

Thinking of something a friend of mine said a couple weeks ago, and now I am starting to wonder ... maybe Bush is a war criminal. It's clear he is an idiot.

According to The Associated Press, Bush Monday morning sidestepped the Senate and installed embattled nominee John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations, ending a five-month impasse with Democrats who accused Bolton of abusing subordinates and twisting intelligence to fit his conservative ideology.

"This post is too important to leave vacant any longer, especially during a war and a vital debate about UN reform," Bush said. He said Bolton had his complete confidence.

Great ... so G-Dub has another of his men in place to bully and cow the rest of the world.

Can someone explain to me what this war is really about? Stopping terror? Oil? Osama? 21st Century colonialization?

What do you think? I'd like to know.